Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
Too much gin, very little bucket
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Someone puked in my crockpot. Your friends can’t come over any more.
Randomize
