Karaoke makes my soul die one wretched song at a time
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
Dude you make losing your phone an art. You left it balancing on a two liter bottle in the kitchen. Wtf
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
