If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
So like 5 seconds in I realize I knew him in 3rd grade and I went limp in his mouth. It felt like I just murdered the last unicorn ever. Going straight never felt like an option till now.
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
Randomize
