just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED HAM AND WEED
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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