I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
well after he sqeezed a zit off his forearm i got the hell outta there
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Your drinking has interfered with your drinking. I bet you could get a scholarship to a rehab. Thats pro-level
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
I got drunk and bought a house last night. Also, I threw up on Mike's lawn. I'm pretty excited about one of those two things.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
