please come you make the beer taste better
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
You drunk invited us to do an intervention for you.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
I need more social interactions that don't involve sex
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
Randomize
