He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
High as shit. I just described caramel syrup on crackers to my mom for 15 minutes...
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
Pretty sure the guy at the Halloween party dressed as an ice cream man is working his way through the building without a care for gender or age. He high-fives me on his way out each morning.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
