Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
Is it acceptable I'm laying in bed drinking airplane bottles?
In our world? Yes, but I'm disappointed yoiu are wasting airplane bottles. Save them for sneaky occasions
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I walked into my house with my pants inside out, no shoes and a limp. My mom asked me if I had fun but I passed out before I could reply...
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
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