I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
drunk enough to think that masterbating in the pool is an awesome idea
there's sperm and chicken noodle soup everywhere
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
MASS TEXT: Next weekend I will be in town for St. Patty's day. There will be a bonfire and liqour olympics. We will have booze but in order to participate it is byob. Upon arrival everyone will be asked to sign a waiver. I am not responsible for liver failure, death, loss of clothing or memory, bites, scratches, hickies, pregnancies, or any other for of injury you may obtain while participating. There will be ridiculous amounts of green glitter, be prepared to puke it up. ALSO WEAR SOMETHING GREEN OR YOU WILL BE PENALIZED!! AUTOMATIC 5 SHOTS. HAPPY GAMING!!!
Randomize
