My brain says no but my pants say off.
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
We carried on a casual conversation about plants while I gave him a hand job.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
