I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
dude that bald bouncer just did a body shot off of brian and then kicked us out for trying to charge him for it
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
I'm pretty sure she tried to draw a self portrait out of her vomit. Then you tried to help, but passed out in the vomit.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
