i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
"it" just moved
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
Must lick fork, like it's a DICK
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