i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
Your friend was nice but you didn't have to bang her in my kitchen...just sayin.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
Randomize
