Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
Just coerced a Santa to buy me a handle. Tis the season.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
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