I think he may have called me a bar rat, jokingly. I said i was but in a non-trashy way.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
the fucking easter bunny is here. he just made 3 cups in a row. no one knows who he is..
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
Breakfast=the leftover margarita in my car. Have a great day.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
Do u have any idea how hard it is to masturbate in a CVS bathroom when your name is being called over the speakers to pick up a prescription for painkillers?
Randomize
