ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
i saved all my weight watcher points for this alcohol
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just woke up wearing retainers... they are most definitely not mine
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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