Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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