She had a little wicker basket of condoms by her bed. Disturbing yet convenient.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
