Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
What I'm saying is Afghanistan is America's sexually contracted disease.
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
IM PICKING UP BLOW FOR US STOP WHINING ABOUT SEX
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Apparently while trying to get up from vomiting in the toilet I grabbed the seat cover for leverage and smashed my own head between it and the bowl. I don't remember this.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I'm too high and old for this...
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
Randomize
