I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
You brought string cheese to the strip club
BRING THE BAGELS
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
