so I guess it's not okay to mix vodka and ..everything and then proceed to offer a lap dance to ...everyone.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
i could totally date him if i was just drunk the whole relationship
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Randomize
