I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I hate nights where "I found my underwear" can be considered a victory.
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
All I remember was endless tequila and pulling karate moves from 3 Ninjas Kick Back towards the guy at 7 Eleven. Explanation?
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
Who gives a hand job to a 19 yr old one night then the next lets a 31 year old random man fly a plane to town and pick u up and take u to dinner?
my vag sweat smells like doritos
so now that we're not dating you have to stop sending shit like this to me okay?
I gave him a BJ in the shower
I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
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