I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Lucky for you, I found your phone.....Not so lucky for you, it was in the bottom of your vomit-filled trashcan.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Do you think if I puke at the gym they think is because I'm going hard walking on the treadmill?
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I knew things were bad when my gyno recommended meditation.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
At one point I had two blunts in my hand and had no idea where they came from.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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