I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
It's Monday. What a great day to start the weekend on the week of st. Patricks day
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
you go from almost hooking up with the hottest guy at the party, to going home with your ex....how is that even mathematically possible
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
BRIAN AND ANTHONY SPOON FED MY BROTHER MACARONI AND CHEESE WHILE HE WAS FUCKING ZARA. THEY WENT TO HIGHFIVE HIM AND ZARA WAS LIKE "WOO!" AND HIGHFIVED THEM FIRST
Randomize
