Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
I smell like cotton candy and guilt.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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