she was so ugly that the sight of her made me shiver and then i had to play it off like a draft blew by that only i felt.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
Do u feel more socially accepted since someone else made up their girlfriend too?
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
All this studying of HIV makes me want to have sex with you.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
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