I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
he wont speak to me right now because i told him it must suck knowing he'll never be as good as edward cullen..idiot.
I don't know why girls would even talk to someone as drunk as I was.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
Just had a threesome. Girlfriend wasn't a part of it. Broke up with her by sending her a picture of it. Hell is going to be awesome
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
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