Is it weird for a girl to post pictures of her dildo no facebook?
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
I would invite you but we are high and there is an AK-47. Not your scene.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Let's get drunk and put things on the grill that have no right to be there.
Happy birthday, America.
I was sleeping pretty good until your cat pooped loudly. I dreamed that a full grown man was pooping on my ear. It startled me.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
