So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
I really need to find better places to throw up. I would like to be able to use the bathroom sink the next morning for brushing my teeth
I have never heard someone not give a fuck so poetically in my life. I feel like you should be leading men into battle with a speech like that
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
I don't know what I was talking about but I just threw up in ikea. You can't get out of this place it's a fucking labyrinth.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
sober me thinks like you do. drunk me needs sober me's advice. am i allowed to go to his house?
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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