Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Judging by what she did last night, I would say at least 4 of them have mono now.
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
It was really strange. I feel like I had sex with a synchronized swimmer.
I'm like, not good at living.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
Randomize
