I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
"Every minute you spend hanging out with David is a minute you could spend meeting someone new, who isn't a huge douche" - Buddha
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
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