Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
woke up in the back seat of my car with a naked chick and my brother tapping on the window. yup, what a night
Suffice to say, I think if people ask about your bruises, and you look them right in the eye, and say "they're from fucking...", people would be like, "respect."
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
I don't know what's worse. The fact that my biological mother is an unwitting bigamist, or the fact that my half sister is trying to seduce my girlfriend.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
Im four hours late for work AND i pissed my bed
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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