Is it because I queefed?
I really hope that wasn't actually his first time. Because if my first time was anything like that I would NEVER have sex again.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
What can I say, I'm a giver.
Smoking up the homeless at 3am does not make you a humanitarian.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Would it be weird to jack off in the hospital?
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
idk but im stoned n hiding in the bathroom from my kids with a really big bowl of really little candy bars
Randomize
