some 7 year old just told me his favorite rapper was eminem and kim got what she deserved...god damn today's youth is in a dark period
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
oh god was she eating orange peels again
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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