she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
I've come to notice a late period isn't as exciting when you have no reason to worry
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
I wouldnt consider it a good Wednesday if there wasn't any projectile vomit involved
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
You should have seen her, she looked like a skinny Jabba The Hutt
That literally makes no sense
Exactly
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
Figured out how to triple bathroom speed at #lollapalooza.. Girl squats, guy 1 goes between her, guy 2 uses urinal. Your welcome.
Is there a classy way to tell him that to thank him for his service I would like to put his dick in my mouth?
"Happy Veterans Day! Now pull down your pants."
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Randomize
