When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I don't text first unless I'm hammered...so ya I text first a lot
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
Body paints and jello. Your canvas awaits
Another sexterpiece awaits
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
