it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
She said just put your tongue in there and don't linger. I have other things to do.
I used his computer to order the pizza and the only thing he had in his search bar was 'text NASA'
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Remember when I made out with that stranger at the bar on my 21 in chicago? I wonder how he's doing
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
we should paint friendship bongs
Randomize
