well when mom kept referring to my "black hole of a vagina" and how i devoured all the nuts at the party like i was a pro, i figured my stay was up.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Hey, no judgement here...this is the girl that threw up on a box of kittens at the magician's house
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
MEG JUST LICKED A DRAIN PIPE. DAVE PUNCHED MATT IN THE THROAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN. I REPEAT. ALL BOUNDARIES ARE DOWN.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
