Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
I wish I only lived at night.
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
My vagina: 1 Male stubborness: 0
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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