when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
Wait time out. Did I start last night with pants?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I'm pretty sure it all started going downhill last night when they suggested I see how much sambuca I could fit in my mouth
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
there is vodka in my soul right now. The vapor is coming out my nose.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
In tonight's episode of Travis' Fucked up Sex Life, Travis breaks into a building at Tulane to have sex with an attractive Asian man.
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
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