I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
What's your opinion on eating ass? Just looking for a yes or no
To be clear you just said "I'll give you a baby" as a sext?
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
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