college drinking is stealing all my money, thank god planned parenthood is somewhat free
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
He cheated on me in real life. I can cheat at words with friends.
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
You pulled out a fucking recorder and started playing along with all the songs on your playlist and refused to hit the j
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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