my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
lets have sex before this no shave november shit gets outta hand.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I just saw a douchebag with frosted tips & a LaCoste polo with popped collar driving a Call of Duty edition Jeep. It was a cavalcade of stereotypes.
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I'm laying in bed cuddling with my teddy bear and eating waffles. I need a fucking boyfriend
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