So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
It was the night of "what the fuck have you done with my daughter and where is she" texts from mom...
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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