the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
This has been the most pleasant arrest experience I've ever had.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Randomize
