I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
YOU FUCKED THE DARE INSTRUCTOR DIDN'T YOU?
Randomize
