U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
he was drinking wine. Puking into an empty water bottle. And eating french toast. ....All at the same time.
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
I'm not sure you count what happened last night as sex.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
Randomize
