you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
What did you wear last night? Because I'm pretty sure there are atleast 4 Facebook statuses about your walk of shame.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Randomize
