he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Come down. You're the next contestant on this bowl.
My mom just invited me to come with them on their honeymoon to Mexico this summer. And I got a Bump-It in my stocking.
Pass the awkward sauce please.
I'm drowning in it here
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
You kept purposefully giving me wrong directions, laughing, then yelling at me for taking directions from a drunk person.
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
You sealing the pinky promise with a shot was much better than just kissing it
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
