I swear she didn't look like that last week.
At a strip club after monster truck rally. You should be here
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
he quoted the bible to break up with me
i'm going through an 80s music phase. and by phase i mean i will only have sex to white snake
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
I woke up with an eye patch on, someone else's sweatshirt on, and no pants on. I hope it was a good night.
Randomize
