when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
I got to explain to the guys at work today how i had no choice but to go to a gay bar because I was handcuffed to a lesbian.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
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