what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
