.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
oh god my hair smells like rotten vegetables, sweat, and tequila. I wanna party with your neighbors every night.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
Randomize
