Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
Some are given great drunkenness. Others have great drunkenness thrust upon them, in the form of ice storms.
When we were done making out, some guy ran into the room yelling, "I'll save you Brandon! I'll save you!"
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
stef broke her leg trying to vault over the coffee table. these olympics drinking games are going to fucking kill us
I just hope when I turn 21, it doesn't tank my entire semester.
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
We banged in my car doggy style with my head out the window. The sky was marvelous and I saw a shooting star. Its destiny; we're meant to fuck forever.
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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