lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
avocado toast wont fix the fact you did a bunch of blow you fucking hipster
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
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