Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
Yeah, the furnace guy just pulled out 4 empty and 1 full beer bottle from the vent. You are no longer allowed over.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Yeah! I was just fired because there was an over hire and the new girl is hotter than me. Seeing as how the new girl is my baby sister I think punching my manager is excusable.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
